Betrothal was much more serious than a modern engagement. A betrothed couple had entered a binding stage of marriage, even though they might not yet be living together as husband and wife. Ending that relationship required more than simply calling off a wedding.
Marriage did not necessarily begin with one brief ceremony. There could be a period between entering the marriage agreement and beginning married life together.
During this time, the couple was already bound to one another in an important legal and social sense.
This makes betrothal quite different from what modern readers usually mean by engagement.
Jewish marriage developed through legal and social practices that distinguished the creation of the marriage bond from the couple's later life together.
The exact customs could vary. Later rabbinic writings describe the process in greater detail than our first-century evidence allows.
We should therefore understand the basic distinction without assuming that every later ceremony was already practiced in exactly the same form.
Betrothal created expectations for both families. Preparations could continue before the bride and groom began their household life together.
The relationship was serious enough that sexual unfaithfulness during this period was not treated as a minor matter.
Betrothal leaves little direct archaeological evidence. Written documents and legal discussions are much more informative.
Household archaeology instead helps us understand the domestic world into which a married couple would eventually enter.
Ancient Jewish sources distinguish the binding formation of marriage from the later beginning of life together.
The New Testament itself provides especially important evidence because Matthew describes Mary as betrothed to Joseph while also presenting Joseph as her husband.
The Old Testament recognizes betrothal as a serious relationship. Deuteronomy 22 treats a betrothed woman differently from an unmarried woman who was not betrothed.
This provides important background for later Jewish marriage practice.
Betrothal is essential to understanding Matthew 1. Mary was betrothed to Joseph when she was found to be pregnant.
Joseph then considered divorcing her quietly. That detail shows why “engagement” is too weak a modern comparison.
The relationship was already binding enough that ending it involved divorce.
Betrothal created a serious and binding relationship. The couple could nevertheless remain apart before beginning their married household together.
Matthew's account of Joseph and Mary clearly reflects this distinction.
Later Jewish writings give us detailed rules for betrothal. We should be cautious about assuming that every one of those rules operated identically in Galilee during Jesus' lifetime.
The binding nature of the relationship is much more secure than every detail of the ceremony.
Betrothal completely changes the way we read the story of Joseph and Mary.
Joseph was not simply deciding whether to break an engagement. He faced the possible end of a relationship that already carried real marital obligations.